Yoga Roots

How Yoga Changed my life

I started practicing yoga in 2007, as I stumbled across a local yoga flyer in my home town, which was a rare find and something I felt very drawn to… So I was intrigued to give it it a go!
Yoga was something I only heard about in magazines and I remember seeing the photographs in the pages thinking it looked amazing! ( as a child I loved doing ballet and dance in my bedroom, it always felt like a soothing from the things happening at home) Yoga looked like something I’d love! so I was inspired to try it.

At this point it was still unknown to me how much my Yoga practice would influence and change in my life— it opened my eyes to a different approach to living, which changed so much for me, I had a lot of held trauma and tention (which i didn’t understand back then) it showed itself through anxiety and a feeling of not being safe— rooted from childhood traumas, from having EIP (emotionally immature parent) and whitenessing the effects of a parent with alcoholism…
Life got serious at a very young age and from that came a lot of struggle and isolation, coping with life’s twist and turns into later life with little to no support.

I didn’t have a rock!

Yoga would change that for me and became  a deep connection into something that I hadn’t had before ( a firm foundation) I started reading about the history of yoga, the system of yoga and the 8 limb path and I started my yoga practice!

I was amazed by the way it made my body feel…like no other physical exercise had done before. It helped ease anxiety and I was hooked in no time and I loved every part of the class…the whole body stretching, tapping, breathing, holding postures and the relaxation was bliss.

Above all, I was blessed to have found a very inspiring and enthusiastic Yoga teacher, who became a wonderful friend —Alexandra, she was from Poland and her style was Dahn yoga (Korean yoga ) founded by Ilchi Lee which most closely resembles non-violent martial arts such as qi gong.Yoga —the practice is body and brain wave vibration, which was where I started. Meditation was a big focus  in our sessions. It was very different from the traditional asana or vinyasa flow style that I now teach—So my route to yoga was based around meditation ( this came first) with body vibration and tapping, which I still infuse into my practices today.
It opened the door into my discovery of all things yoga and my self practice grew deeper.

Alexandra taught me so much about my mind and my body than I ever thought possible. Alexandra was the one that encouraged me to start teaching, I’d never really ever had that before, that level of guidance and encouragement , it was just not something i experienced growing up or had from my own parents. I felt grateful having someone guide me in this way.  After a couple of years self practice Alexandra pushed me into the direction of teaching, the thought of teaching yoga was nerve wracking to me! I didn’t think this was something Id ever have the confidence to do!
in 2010 we held some shared classes together and I helped create pregnancy yoga practices and my way of teaching began! —It was Alexandra who encouraged me to step into teaching fully, which I did in 2012.
I left my full time 9-5pm job to go into teaching yoga!

I remember Alexandra telling me “ you will have a room to teach yoga and you’ll fill it” and I did, I was blessed to always fill the classes.
Each time they got full and I’d be turning people away, so I’d find another place that was slightly bigger and the same would happen again, I’d fill the classes and then have to move into another venue that was bigger to share it with more people.

—This led me to the opening of my yoga studio in 2013. A five year lease and an open book with one thing in my heart— to share the healing practices of yoga with others.

To create classes and experiences I wish existed and make a difference for people’s emotional and physical bodies. To create a freedom.

Yoga became much more than the physical, for me it was like a healing therapy from what I’d experienced in my life and eventually teaching it was a way of sharing something that I knew could help others—which I can only describe as the deepest pull to do!

The yoga techniques I practiced opened my mind and my intuition, better ways of thinking that felt like something had been lifted, like an expansion from a place that was inside of me all along but had been blurred.

“The nature of yoga is to shine the light of awareness into the darkest corners of the body.” – Jason Crandell

That’s the thing about Yoga, even without you knowing much about the practice, with a good teacher it works the whole body and mind for a complete body cleanse and workout and leads you into this discovery of finding your best self and helps you let go of the things that are getting in the way of you being able to do that.

It goes beyond the physical— it’s not what the postures look like, but how it feels.

Ive learnt in doing so that “This sensation” was something to trust in, it was always there, it is here for us and I rememberd to trust it.
This practice of sensation is something we can use within every part of our lives, to live with this deep connection in everything because by doing so you can choose the People and Places that are right for you.
You feel it.

You trust it.
This is Pratyahara” The 5th element, within this limb you can attain full self-realisation, your expanded self-awareness and inner stability. Tyhis practice is here yo help us master both the body and the mind!

As my practice grew, so did my physical and mental strength. I started to feel a stronger sense of intuition and I started to listen to it, trust it and follow it….As I started to follow my intuition my life started to change and for the better.
Although this didn’t come without heartbreak and struggle. It opened my eyes to so much more about life, about people and how I really wanted to live!  I was more able to understand the toxicity that surrounded me, the toxic people I needed to break away from!

It really opened up my intuition, that was there all along but I was often told as a child to “stop being silly” or was later gaslighted and had my experiences and reality denied and lied to— This was a deep suppression like being numbed and one that only lead me to accept and live in unhealthy relationships and situations as an adult. I often felt like I had no where to turn or nowhere to go when times were tough.This realisation came with intense feelings of grief and sadness —so be ready for that!

Grief for people I choose to let go because it wasn’t healthy to stay, grief for the things I missed out on and never got to do as a child or in my teenage years because I was the one being a parent to my parent, being left alone a lot of the time as a teenager and then living on my own at the age of 16, struggling to pay bills, buy food and basically just no head start in life.
There was no leaving home ritual or anything to mark this significant life event of becoming an independent adult.

I was still a child.

As I got a bit older most things went on credit cards in order to get essential items, first proper fridge, a sofa and things I needed, driving lessons, I bought my first car and I got into debt because money I earned from work alone couldn’t pay for it all!
I was working from a very young age to pay bills. I remember feeling embarrassed about my situation and I didn’t talk about it much at all, I really did just get on with it.
Other friends still lived at home and had support when the time came to leaving home, but that was not a choice I had. There was no leaving home, no interest in these “firsts” and no going back home if needed!

I remember working from an early age, my first job was cleaning holiday homes when I was 14, I always had a job, to get clothes or bag I needed for school. I was in full time college and still had a full time job, instead of leaving to go home at the end of the day like everyone else I stayed on to clean the college.

This struggle created so many obstacles, things always seemed to take the longer route to get to.
I felt knocked down by people, stuck in abusive relationships, made to feel I wasn’t good enough or I didn’t matter—with my yoga practice my intuition came back to me and with it my strength. I followed my instincts fully and let my intuition guide me.

I left the unhealthy relationships.

Im still practicing this “leave behind what no longer serves you”, set boundaries and put them in place— but when it comes down to it being for family it’s not easy, but it is essential.
Sadly often the people we are tethered to or who we think of as family turn out to be the ones who have been hurting you all this time… and you can loose alot of yourself from that. But you can untether the knots and cut these cords, accept and understand that if connection, love and support is mainly only coming from one way it’s not always worth holding on.

It can be hard to follow your intuition, as often your heart and your emotions can feel like a strong achey pull going in the opposite direction…So it can feel very confusing to know which feeling is the right one! My experience of unhealthy love left it’s confusion— where I found myself putting so much into others and it certainly didn’t always give me a good sense of expectation of what relationships should be and feel like! The red flags didn’t flag!

I let myself be treated poorly.
I forgot about myself.
I forgot about that little girl who was always so wise beyond her years, wanting to protect everyone else I forgot myself, because of all the accumulated dust and muck I lost touch with that inner trust. With self love.

It can be a very confusing experience, when feelings and Intuition are so very different, intuition is not even a feeling-it’s not emotive, it holds no emotion, no pain, it is just a strong sense, that inner nudge, a guide (as I have experienced it to be) that directs you to do something or change something!
Emotion is in our hearts, our hearts hold the thoughts of people, memories, relationships, and emotional pain…which can sometimes really stop us from following our intuition. You can feel conflicted between the two ! but you’ll also know in your heart if something or someone isn’t right for you.

How?
Ask yourself this…how does your heart truly feel?

How does your heart feel with this person most of the time? You can ask yourself this if your struggling to understand how you feel and what to do or where to go!  I did and I got my answer.

My heart felt hurt 💔

My heart was already broken, it broke many times and again having to walk away but for a heart to break and mend again you have to give it love.

Go where love is.

Yoga gave this back to me and then I found it in new relationships and people that came into my life. My practice enabled me to question it all and I opened my heart to a new path and believed in this spiritual channel, for me it felt like a connection to the power of the universe!

I learned that in order to be open to this Divine light and live your true life path, you have to tune into and trust your body! —from time to time you have to let go of stagnant energy that builds up in life, because if your not releasing it creates a blockage to it! Your intuition is there to guide you and lead you to this life that is meant for you. A life that you can create because it comes from the heart and that place of knowing.
This is where your meant to be.

Use your intuition, it’s a sense that is strong, yet for one reason or another many of us often ignore it and don’t follow without taking much notice on what the impact of this could be—Unblocking the body and mind is important so as we clear the path and receive the clarity we need. These blockages come from the physical body, the emotional body and the energetic body…accumulation from poor body postures, sitting for long periods of time, not releasing all that stagnant energy, stress, traums, from other people’s negativity, toxic lifestyles, toxic food and substances. It’s all in there!

when we disconnect from nature and stillness and we are pressing through life at a hundred miles per hour with no pause it’s Too much! We disconnect to ourselves! There is such a thing as too much distraction and avoidance! If you don’t feel your not present.

Yoga helped me change my life because it opened up my mind to deeper levels of intuition and pause, I didn’t know where it would lead me, it was the complete unknown, but I felt drawn to listen to it!
It helped me break away from unhealthy relationships, which although can be incredibly hard when experiencing all the above emotional dilemmas, the pain and grief that can rip open your heart and take time to heal from… But deep down I knew I needed to step away from the people that treated me poorly. I had so much love to give, it felt like it want cherished and was taken for granted.
Intuition pulled me away from toxic people, controlling and abusive people who I allowed for too long to take thier emotional baggage, anger and crap out on me! It was a big lesson— I cared so much for other people, trying to understand them, to heal them, but they weren’t doing anything to help themselves and so I realised this was not taking care of myself.

It was my yoga practice and experiences that  changed my mindset, it taught me that no matter how hard you try to change things for other people, no matter how much you love them, they have to love and help themselves because if you forget yourself in the process of trying to help them your both lost!
People can heal and change for the better but it has to start from within! You can’t allow other peoples negative behaviour to contiue hurting you, and it will continue! It will strip away the real you if you let it! I became a shell of myself.

I chose to walk away and start a new life. And even though it was hard, even though it was so painful I kept going because deep down I knew nothing would ever change. I wasn’t looking for perfection, I know that does not exist but I do believe people can heal if they are open to it! But that healing starts with you.

you are your greatest medicine 💚

You have to be ready, accountable, meet your imperfections, see the shadows and be willing to heal for better change!

Nothing or no one is ever perfect but no one has the right to keep hurting you. No one has the right to control you and bring you down because they are taking thier pain out on you.

Yoga helped me to stay strong through loss, heartache, pain and change. Yoga helped me find so much more mental strength.

Through crazy times!

So, I continued to study and practice more and more YOGA. I eventually moved from a 9-5 job to go self employed and become a Yoga teacher, living my passion and actually working doing something i loved and building a business and a healing yoga studio to share the practice.

It was scary, a risk maybe but I took it and let that fire in my belly that I felt ignited! I let my passion for yoga lead the way. I enjoyed living on my own, took the time for healing and eventually met new and better people and have my own family and my second journey begun.

It took time to adjust to a new life be yas crazy as it sounds being around emotionally healthy people felt unfamiliar and this was confusing.
everything was just pouring out of me! All the pain and with kind and patient people around me it unfolded as it should… And I took the biggest and most life changing journey in being a mumma — A true blessing💙

Life isn’t always easy but that is how we grow and evolve, to try always to be better and do better with each day.
I continued and still continue to work through trauma, understanding my triggers and doing the work to release and let go of old vibrations.

As life throws itself at you, when you feel like you’ve nearly crossed a bridge another one can come towards you.

I experienced a big burn out after a time of caring for my sick father, his alcohol addiction was at peak and I hit the busiest time in my life. I was looking after him, basically hoping he wouldn’t drop dead because of it…it got so bad, this vibration panic, seeing him in such an awful way. I held it all whilst working, building a yoga business, running my yoga studio and caring for my young baby on very little sleep.

It was an extremely busy and demanding time, looking back I’m not sure how i did it!

With everything I experienced from it, learning accepting and being present. For me, yoga was medicine in a real stressful time.

Now my yoga work enables me to help others, share the amazing benifits and give to others what yoga has given to me.

Yoga can help you cope better with the many untold life situations that are thrown at us… as much as I believe we can be in control of our lives, of course there are circumstances, situations and things that happen that are not always in our control.
Often when these “things” do happen or cross our life path we get that nudge or that inner voice of intuition calling you and it will be even stronger when you practice yoga, because you are practicing the art of letting go and learning how to be present.
To sit with it.

Letting go of the build up of stress and crap that we carry or endure, physically, emotionally and mentally.
Looking back I know the pain and struggles I’ve experienced has bought me to where I am today. Life is a constant flow of holding on and letting go—working as hard as possible to make a good life and not being afraid to take a chance if it feels right!
I also believe the heartache, pain and struggles do bring greater compassion, understanding and have a way of making you see and feel the light moments much more brightly.

Life is also about choices and your choice becomes your reality. What you can choose or how you choose to deal with life’s situations shape your life. Shit experiences can shape you for the better. Don’t let them keep holding you back! We can change the perspective.

Wether it’s your intuition you allow to help you or not, you do have it and that has the power to help you create the life you want.

Yoga is now my way of life and the techniques I practice have made me a stronger person and have enabled me to feel a stronger sense of safety.
I feel so grateful every day for all that I have. I am blessed to be a mum and create something beautiful for my children with better experiences than I ever had.

Be with the people who love you back!

By moving on from the toxic people in your life you only make more space for new and better people to enter and I just wanted to share with you that no matter how hard life gets sometimes, you can still turn it all around or make the best out of a bad situation. Let your heart break open from time to time but never hold it back!

Love and appreciation

Tina
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